Remembering Tony

'There is no life, but the cooking life' T.B.

6.8.18

I woke and thought, ‘Today is our granddaughter Audrey’s graduation day’. I was happy.

Moments later I got a text from our friend Bobby Mongelli down in Stock Island near Key West saying, “My condolences”. I didn’t know why and stared at the tiny screen wondering. Then my niece Cayce texted from Arizona, “I Love You”. I answered in kind. Then asked if someone we knew had passed. She wrote three words, “Anthony Bourdain. Suicide”. And the world had lost another great voice … and a friend. My brain is shocked, and my heart is sad. I want to wipe all the pain out of everyone I love.

More condolences came in. To our friends and family, I was the one who knew Tony. I wanted quiet. I wanted yesterday to come back and change time’s speeding comet’s course of loss. I felt sad for Eric Ripert. Eric was the one who found Tony unresponsive in the hotel they were staying while shooting another episode they did so well together. Eric is a kind and spiritual man. They had become great pals. The day struggled on, many voices mourning. Reaching out. Questions and hurt in every line.

Our son called. I loved hearing his voice. Needed it. Justin said, “It’s surprising. One might think that you’ll eventually get old enough or acquire enough success that pain in life will subside.” I steeled myself as a parent does and asked him if he ever thought about hurting himself. Gratefully to God he said, ‘no Papa’. We talked more. About when Tony came to Key West and we did his show with him for a few marvelous days. We talked about what words Shakespeare could offer us on this gray and nightmarish morning.

People from California to France were emailing and texting. A former staff member of our original Coral Gables restaurant, now GM of ‘Gramercy Tavern’ Kevin Mahan wrote expressing his empathy. He included a picture from the intro to ‘Kitchen Confidential’ that contained a mention of me and a few others. I wrote to Kevin.

“My head has been spinning since just after sunrise when I got a text of condolences with no explanation of why from a friend in The Keys. Then my niece in Arizona sent me a text that simply said, “I love you”. I felt like that scene in ‘The Godfather’ when Marlon Brando’s character asks his youngest son Michael why he ‘hears cars coming and going at all hours and people coming into the house’. I had asked my niece why people were sending me condolences. She wrote me the three words that will always mark this day.

I have been like many are dizzied with waves of memories. I was magnified from having known him. He was generous to me. He was kind to Janet. We must all hold on tight to the ones who illuminate life and living in this world. I know he made a life affirming impact on the world. In times when America’s leaders are in favor of hate and division, he was teaching curiosity, empathy and sharing. We now hope that those who live with the darkness that overtook him know we need them in the world … and we must let them know”.

My friend, and Florida native Wendy Lyn was with Jimmy Buffet in Paris texted me.

“I was with Jimmy & Pink Floyd at ‘Frenchie’ when people ran in with the news. Jimmy & I called his mother. That was three hours ago, and I can’t leave from sitting on the corner and reaching out to my dearest friends who knew him.’

I told her of my confusion and related ‘The Godfather’ scene.

“I have read this ten times with JB. We have no words, but your words said it better than any of ours ever could”.

I wrote her back, “Janet & I just saw Jimmy in concert. He opened for the Eagles, and it was lovely. We are a long way from The Midget Bar & Grill where I first him while I cooked and he sang. I hope we all gather back in KW, cook, eat and drink a toast to Tony. I’ll cook a course. Please ask Jimmy to sing ‘A Pirate Looks at 40’.

Just re-read the lyrics to ‘Pirate Looks at 40’. Goosebumps.

‘I am not sure why, but like many, I am shaken more than I may have expected. Strangely I finished Eric Ripert’s book just yesterday afternoon. I picked up ‘Kitchen Confidential’ this morning after reading the endless tributes to Anthony because I was not ready to let go of him, his life, voice and wonderful perspective of food, our industry and the world’. — Kevin

Kevin also had taken a pix of the prologue to “Kitchen Confidential’s reprint where Tony had written how the book had changed his life and how he’d been in touch with “My heroes began to get in touch with me”. It included a passage about me being nice to him, and me asking him to ‘lay off my pal Emeril… he really can cook you know’.

Miami chef Michael Beltran: ‘I am not sure what is going on in the world. Today is a very heavy day. I am making an effort to reach out to everyone that his impacted me in a positive way, personally or career wise to say thank you. It’s a very sad day today. I’ve never cried for someone I didn’t even know in my life. Life is too short, and I probably have not said it enough. Thank you Chef.’

Mike. I’ll be there with you at ‘Mac’s Club Deuce’ in spirit tonight. Tony and I drank there. Talked there. Shot some stick. You and all your generation … maybe you will be smarter and gentler with yourselves. I guess we didn’t have the insight back then to be. It’s crazy ... I’m hollowed out. I can’t comprehend what his mother must feel, his daughter. How less entertained and broadened we will now be by Tony showing us his big heart. Showing us an alternative to a dull existence, to waiting for life to happen instead of cradling it, dancing with it.

My old friend Russ reached out from Tampa.

“Just checking in on you this morning, Chef. Everything OK? Let me know if you need to talk.”

Thanks Brother. My head spins and my heart dives.

You’ve lost two people very close to you; First Charlie. Now Tony. I’m sorry.

Both guys were incredibly bright and talented but burdened by something that we’ll never know. St. Theresa said of extraordinary gifts, “When God places a great gift in your hand, he places a whip in the other... and the whip is exclusively for self-flagellation.” We need to stop beating ourselves up.

From playwright and friend Janet Dulin-Jones in London:

“I know how deeply you loved and adored Anthony and I was devastated to see the news come up tonight as I was heading home from one of my first outings to visit a friend.

I saw the news and could not believe my eyes. I immediately thought of that wonderful dinner we had with you and Janet, Anthony and your publicist at your stunning restaurant. It was such a beautiful, fun, magical evening. He was lovely, you and Janet were as always so gorgeous and kind and dear and it was one of the nicest nights of my life, being with you all and having time together. I know we haven’t seen each other since I’ve been in exile over here on this tiny island, but you are one of my favorite dear people and you are always in my thoughts. I am so sorry for your loss as I know you and Anthony go way back – those ties are deep and so precious. I’m sorry for his little daughter and the impact on her life and all the lives of people he touched and made things better. We need all the good men we can muster in our world right now. You are one of the good ones, my friend and I am so grateful to know you and to count you as someone who has had a very positive impact on me. Give lovely Janet a hug from me.”

We watched Dan Halpern, Tony’s brilliant editor and mine being interviewed on CNN. It was Dan who asked Tony to write the foreword to my cookbook, ‘New World Kitchen’. Tony also wrote the cover blurb for my memoir. Incredibly generous always.

We went to a local café and ordered a bottle of wine. When it was gone, I ordered another. Tony’s first powerful food memory was when he was invited to eat oysters from a friend of their father who’d taken them out in his boat. I saw a man at the café receive a platter of oysters. I took it as a sign and ordered a dozen.

We must light the candles and honor our families and our friends; never forget to tell them we love them and to hold them tight. Because we never know if it might be the last time.

https://studio.youtube.com/video/wISQXyjI2RU/edit

Click above link for Tony in Key West with me.